How to Survive the Holidays

Ok as soon as I sat down to write this, my body forced me to take in a humongous deep breath when attempting to organize my thoughts on this topic. I’ve clearly still got some residual stress floating around inside of me but what’s new. I suppose I’ll start by saying, I just got back from a trip home to see my family. I won’t go into too much detail around the travelling piece as I’ve made it very clear in previous posts I don’t travel well (particularly by plane) so it comes as no real surprise that I had about 17.8 meltdowns at the airport. One quick PSA though before I move on to the next topic, airports/planes/travelling over the holidays is an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE. People everywhere, screaming children, weird food smells, packed planes, drunk wobbling humans, extremely long bathroom lines, nowhere to sit and collect your thoughts ( I cried in a gift shop corner, it was the only place I could find some privacy), etc. I signed up for this part when I moved out of state so it’s something I’ll continue to have to manage but just wanted to set expectations ahead of time for those who don’t travel often and are considering heading home for the holidays in the future.

Moving along. I don’t go home often, my family tends to come to me to escape the Texas heat and get some solid beach time in. I do however, always make a point to go home for Christmas as it’s the one time of year all of my family gathers together under one roof, for better or for worse. When I was younger, it was exciting to have so many personalities, plans and things going on. It kept it interesting and fun and was the highlight of making the trek back. Now, for whatever reason, it’s a totally different experience. Prior to heading home, I had a therapy session where we prepped for what to expect and how to manage the anxiety that was certain to present itself throughout my trip. It didn’t take long before I found myself panicked over the itinerary my parents had thoughtfully put together, the list of people that would be coming over to celebrate Christmas, and the constant stimulation. Luckily, I had a few tools in my belt ready to go so figured it could be helpful to share a few of them..

First and foremost, you have to carve out time to be alone. This was not easy for me - when you spend so much time away from your loved ones, it often comes across as insensitive, hurtful and selfish of you to request some time alone. They will understand and be grateful for this later, trust me. These conversations were awkward at best, but SO necessary. A 25 minute ‘rest’ in a room by myself, driving a separate car to the destination, walking around the neighborhood alone were all examples of times I was FINALLY able to clear my head, recenter and get back to a good place mentally. Meditating, listening to a podcast, napping, WHATEVER- take some time to turn off the noise around you. You will be better for it and so will everyone else.

Secondly, be open and honest about feeling anxious with your loved ones. I, for whatever reason, always felt the need to keep this secret to myself and put on a brave face. I was embarrassed, I didn’t feel like explaining myself, and I definitely didn’t want the added attention. Interestingly enough, trying to hide it actually ended up making it much worse. I would panic about possibly having a panic attack, then panic some more about how to go about hiding it and - shocker- end up having a cute ol’ panic attack as a result. There was something extremely reassuring about knowing that the people around you are aware of what’s going on and will not judge you if/when it starts to rear its head. The second I stopped worrying about trying to conceal my symptoms, the faster they disappeared. Your family and friends love you for who you are. This goes without saying, but I constantly have to remind myself of this when I start to feel ashamed. Once again, it’s worth it to have the vulnerable, sometimes difficult/uncomfortable, conversations.

Lastly, go into these situations expecting to feel anxious. I know that sounds counterintuitive (not sure if that’s even the right use of that word..?), but when you try to avoid something and/or prevent it from happening, it’s constantly on your mind. You can not relax or enjoy the present moment when you constantly have to scan for threats - always, always, ALWAYS on the edge. The fear of wondering if/when it will show up, (which btw, it most likely will and btw x2- you will survive), will hold you hostage and keep you in a constant state of fear. I would know, I lived this way for decades. It’s an interesting concept to grasp initially, but once you try it out, it starts to make a whole lot more sense. I decided to accept the fact that I would likely (definitely) experience some anxiety while I was home. I mean .. let’s look at the facts here.. I was out of my comfort zone, my typical routine was out the window, and I was doing things that I know from experience make me anxious. How could I not expect to feel anxiety? Once I made peace with this, when it showed up I was not surprised or afraid for that matter because I knew it was going to knock on the door eventually. I was expecting it. When it did show up, I knew what needed to be done to feel better from previous expereinces. I let it pass, gave myself the space and time to ride it out, and rejoined in the activities once I felt ready to do so. Anxiety is part of my DNA - my dad has it, I’ve always had it, I will probably always have it. It’s just part of who I am. I’d rather accept it than constantly fight it - I’m exhausted enough as it is OK.

With all of that ^ said, I think it’s important to disclose that that were definitely still moments where I felt I wasn’t bouncing back quickly enough. I often times feel frustrated that with all of the knowledge and tools I have, I still find myself tapping out some days. But I’m learning that it’s ok. and to have more grace with myself..to extend myself the kindness and patience I would extend to a friend if they were going through this same thing. We are so hard on ourselves - as if we need to add that to our plate on top of everything else. - _- Anyway- we’re all one big work in progress so it is what it is. If anyone reading this has any additional tips, comment away. I’m all ears. In the meantime, Happy Holidays- you’ve got this. I’ve got this. We’ve got this.