Grief + The Holidays - Can The Two Coexist?

We have officially entered the holiday season - a joyous time for many, and, as I’m learning in real time, an incredibly difficult time for those who are grieving. Something about the juxtaposition of experiencing what’s normally the happiest time of the year, while simultaneously going through what feels like a dark night of the soul is…..interesting.

During my latest therapy session, we discussed grief and what I was doing to process these very heavy emotions at home. When I came up short, she dug a little deeper and asked me how I processed emotions when I was a child. Again… crickets.

It wasn’t until I was facing it head on did I realize my ‘processor’ was my cat. The one ‘thing’ I used to survive the ups and downs of childhood and life in general was gone in the blink of an eye. At first, I felt validated. Like we’d finally cracked the code on why my grief felt so deep and overwhelming. There was a logical explanation, beyond just death, for why I’ve been feeling so destabilized and quite frankly… depressed. But now what?

We then moved on to alternative methods that can be used to process emotions. Many options were thrown around, but the power of writing stuck out to me most. What I learned was not only how powerful writing can be, but how it is almost a necessity. Not just for people who are sensitive or who have trouble expressing their emotions, but for anyone who is dealing with big life stuff, ESPECIALLY grief! Thinking your way through it is one thing, but actually expressing it, either on paper or to another human, is almost a requirement for healing. For anyone who grew up in a home where the people around them didn’t express emotions, or who may have felt like being emotional was something to be ashamed of, this is easier said than done. For thirty three years, I cried alone in my room with my cat. It wasn’t until she passed, and the security blanket was gone, did I realize that I needed to learn a new way.

Was it easy to admit this? To practice letting someone else witness me cry? To sit down and write this post? No. I hated it. But I want to learn a new way. A better way. I want to help myself through what is already such a difficult time. So here we are.

For now, I’ll continue to use this secret blog as a form of therapy. A place to release and process the many thoughts and emotions that are swirling around in my brain at all times. My hope is that at some point, I’ll be able to find a way to turn these words into something that can benefit someone else. To take the focus off of my personal experiences, and reframe them all in a way that resonates with others. My goal, from the very beginning of this blog, was always to help others feel less alone in whatever their struggle was. Mostly with anxiety, but as life has happened, now also in their grief. Maybe one day someone will come across a post and leave a comment, letting me know that something I’ve shared helped in some small way. Maybe it will always remain a private place for me to brain dump. Who knows.

Either way, I will continue to contribute in an effort to push me forward on my healing journey and encourage others to do the same. Life can be so hard. Like… SO hard. But it’s all temporary And we do have tools available to us (like writing) and others who are dealing with similar situations and ready to listen or support in anyway (like me) to assist. Your suffering does not have to consume you, there is a way out. The point of this post is to serve as a reminder of that.

Happy Holidays everybody. Laugh, cry, scream your way through it. There’s never any judgement from this side - whatever floats your boat is fine by me.