How to Reduce Your Anxiety In One Small Step

For the majority of my life, I kept my anxiety a secret. As a child, I didn’t understand what I was experiencing or know that there was such a thing as ‘anxiety’ - I just thought I was always sick. As an adult, I became hyper aware of the situation but felt the need to hide it from others out of embarrassment, fear of being judged or potentially making it worse. To this day, my parents still apologize for not knowing how badly I was struggling, or that I was struggling at all. I was that “good” at hiding it.

Instead of getting the help I needed or opening up about what I was dealing with to others, I had a number of unhealthy coping mechanisms that I would fall back on anytime I started to feel the symptoms of a panic attack coming. If I had to be out in public and alcohol wasnt an option, my go-to was to snack on Tums (barf) or sour candies that I had on me at ALL TIMES. I literally refused to leave the house without my bag of tricks and was constantly chewing on something in attempt to settle my stomach or take my mind off of the sensations. This became some a crutch that it was actually one of the first steps in my exposure therapy process that I’ll chat about at a later date. So tough but so worth it.

Fast forward years down the track and I happened to be at a hair appt - something that was already super triggering for me. Everything was going fine until she mentioned how long the process was going to take and began to put the foils in my hair. Looking for exits and a way out of every situation was a mandatory part of my process so being stuck in a chair with hair dye, unable to leave if/when I needed was lethal to me at that time. Out of instinct, I went to grab my tums/candy out of my bag and realized……. I didn’t have any left.

I wish so badly I could’ve captured that moment in time to share with you all so you could see/feel/understand how deeply panicked + disturbed I was. All of my normal escape routes + coping mechanisms were off the table and I was left to fend for myself - it was truly one of the most painful, humbling experiences I’ve had to date. My heart was racing, I started to sweat, and I was hit with waves of nausea. It became so physically obvious that things weren’t right that my hairstylist actually came over to check in and make sure I wasn’t having some sort of reaction to the dye.

In that moment, I had 2 options. Lie like I always did in hopes it would pass quickly or tell this stranger the truth about what was going on. Obviously, the second option was much more vulnerable and risky (at least it felt that way to me at the time), but for whatever reason, I decided to just leave it all on the table and deal with the ‘consequences’. Fully prepared to be judged, rejected, treated differently and potentially feel even more anxious, I was beside myself when I found the polar opposite happened. My anxiety dropped instantaneously. Before she even had the chance to respond, my heart rate went down, my breathing returned to normal and I felt a sense of peace and relief that I’d never experienced before. I was brought to tears (looking back the poor girl was probably so confused and thought I hated my hair 😂)

Escape routes, candy, medicine aside, simply calling it out and shining a light on what was going on internally was enough. Allowing myself to acknowledge what was going on and give others the oppoorutiny to show up for me in whatever way they could, felt so liberating and comforting. I truly couldn’t believe that this ‘thing’ I had tried to mask and shove down into the shadows for DECADES of my life, was now out in the open and I was so much better for it.

Since then, anytime I’ve felt the symptoms start to creep up, I’ve immediately called it out to whoever was around. Sometimes it’s as simple as “I’m feeling a little anxious so if I start acting weird, just know that’s why” or as deep as “I’m on the verge of a panic attack and I need you to hold space and sit with me until this wave passes”. And every.single.time. I’ve done this, it’s passed so much quicker and provided IMMEDIATE relief. Like, instantaneous physical /mental relief.

My main takeaway from all of this and the main point I want to bring home here is that anxiety is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. We all have our demons and you’d actually be surprised how happy others are to step up and support you in times of need. You could even be unintentionally helping them come out of their own shadows by opening up the dialogue and showing others how you move through it.

My life has only gotten better since I’ve started to share my experiences and struggles with the people around me and my hope is that anyone else working through something similar behind the scenes remembers that there is a huge network of people ready to wrap their arms around you and support you through your struggles as well. We only make things worse for ourselves and often times others (we need to talk about this one later, too!!) when we continue to self-isolate and run from the things that scare us. Life + happiness truly is on the other side of that fear and you are so deserving of experiencing it.

Bye I love you!!!!!!