The amount of times I’ve written, said, spoken, cried, screamed, THOUGHT the word ‘anxiety’ is beyond comprehension. It started when I was little - too little to make sense of what was happening. I mostly just tried to ignore it then. When I fast forward to present day and reflect back on the ride I’ve been on the past twenty plus years while trying to figure out how to live with this thing, I’m kind of overwhelmed with emotions.

It’s been maddening, enlightening, driven me to depression (and out..and back again), frustrating, empowering and everything in between. I can’t really explain it to someone who hasn’t experienced it for themselves. To top it all off, I spent most of my life going through it alone. Not because I didn’t have anyone to support me, but mostly because I was embarrassed and scared of being misunderstood or judged. I would spend countless hours online googling my symptoms in search of comfort only to find a bunch of scientific research that left me feeling even more scared and alone.

It wasn’t until recently when it dawned on me that sitting back and continuing to bottle up my experiences was only adding to the problem. It was not only making life harder for me, I was also contributing to the stigma and secrecy often associated with mental health disorders. I found a lot of excuses along the way to avoid opening up about this (I’m not qualified to help/If I’m still struggling, who I am to give advice?/No one cares/TMI)- you name it, I thought of it. But then I realized, ALL of those excuses were coming from a place of fear and that the ONLY way I was going to not only heal myself, but potentially help others was by confronting it head on. I had to look myself in the mirror and ask the hard questions. Is this the life you want to live? Are you really going to spend the next decade continuing to miss out on the one life you have? Can you go to sleep at night knowing you are withholding a sense of comfort and reassurance from others who are also struggling with this? I can’t let my fear of vulnerability or being judged keep me from taking a step forward any longer - it’s just sad. and selfish.

With that said, my hope is that those who are also struggling with some form of anxiety are able to find a sense of relief in the words and information that I share. From blog posts detailing how it’s affected my life, to books/products/practices that have helped- I will continue to be fully transparent about my experience in an effort to spread awareness and provide others with the support we all need.

Sending so much love to you guys - we’re all in this crazy thing together.